The Dalai Lama, Novak Djokovic, former US President Donald Trump, Pope Francis and Bryson DeChambeau are among nearly 100 recipients of letters flowing from the acerbic pen of an extremely disgruntled high-handicapper called Mortimer Merriweather that has recently been published by Merlin Unwin.
The letters, all of which are connected with golf, have been published in a hysterically funny book, ‘Two Ruddy Ducks and a Partridge on a Par Three’, penned by golf writer and polemicist Clive Agran.
The title comes from one written to the British Ornithological Trust in which Mortimer seeks support for changing the nomenclature for scores over par from bogey, double bogey, triple bogey and quadruple bogey to ‘partridge’, ‘great tit’, ‘ruddy duck’ and ‘shag’, respectively.
Among the other ideas contained in the letters is the invention of a putter that simply can’t miss; inviting Bomber Command to help create features on a golf course to be built on otherwise flat terrain, an explosive driver that can hit the ball over 500 yards, and twinning Mortimer’s home club with Augusta National.
Two Ruddy Ducks and a Partridge on a Par Three’, priced at £9.99, can be bought here.
